When I Saw God

April 5, 2011 | Efrain Diaz

This is a monologue by Efraim “DE” Diaz from the performance of Inside/Out.  This performance piece was devised largely from PPTG members’ memories of childhood and teen years.

When I as a child I was told that I was a bad kid. The truth of the matter was I wasn’t a bad child; I was simply a bored child. There weren’t any other kids to play with.   We lived in the Bushwick part of Brooklyn and we didn’t play outside. The only fun I recall having was teasing my cousin Mari. She was my age and my aunt, her mother “Titi” Carmen. I spent a lot of time with them because both my parents were employed, so Tit Carmin would baby-sit me.

When I became bored, I used to tease and hit my cousin and she would run to Titi Carmin. So my aunt used to scold me. Once she would finish threatening me and as she walked away I would hit her on her ass and take off running. Titi Carmen hated that so much that she would take off after me, but couldn’t catch up to me. So when she would get tired she would say to me “ Te voy a lleven a ver a Papa Dios.” Do you want to see God?

She would always say that to me. I never questioned her about it till one day.

I was bored and I recalled her famous saying: “Ver a Papa Dios?” So I told her I wanted to see God. She asked me “are you sure you want to see God?” Si Titi, Si Titi I exclaimed.

Shje pulled a chair and sat me on it. She asked me once again: Estas Seguro que quieres vere a Papa Dios?”   Are you sure you want to see God?

Si, titi, Si Titi!

She asked me to close my eyes and she began to comb my hair with her fingers, and continued to rub my head as if placing me in a trance. I was so relaxed. She had me completely under her spell. She began to fix my sideburns with her fingers. As she did this she asked my: “Are your Ready to see God?” Yes Titi, I’m ready!

She suddenly takes my side burns in her fingers and twists them. She began to pull me up off of the chair. So I gram her hands and yell my lungs out. I’m able to feel my body being elevated in the air. She must have held me up there for at least 5 to ten seconds. She put me and I’m crying. I can feel my heart beat on both sides of my head—pumping and throbbing.

My Titi is laughing out loud uncontrollably, trying to ask me if I say Papa Dios. All I could do was cry. My side burns were soar of days. Every time felt them I remembered Titi and Papa Dios. That’s the day I saw God.